FuzeLine: Irony's A Bitch

Pentagon fails at tracking Bin Laden, tracks gays instead...

2006-04-11T17:58:00.000-04:00

The U.S. Military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy concerning homosexuals among the ranks has always been a touchy (ahem..) subject. On one hand, it can be viewed as descriminatory: people shouldn't be punished for being themselves. On the other hand, a person's sexuality shouldn't have any bearing on their abilities as a soldier, and as such need not necessarily be discussed, gay or straight.

Of course, the argument and conflict usually lies in the fact that there is a blatant double standard in actual practice, however the finer points of said argument is well beyond the scope of this post. Believe what you want, just make an informed decision.

No matter where you stand on the issue, it is important not to forget that there are those who disagree with you. Such is the beauty of a free country, of free speech... opposing viewpoints and the debate they inspire are the very foundation of our country.

Which is what makes this so disturbing...

The Servicemembers Legal Defense Network has released documents obtained under the Freedom of Information Act from the Department of Defense, which confirm the military's surveillance of organizations working to repeal the Military's Don't Ask, Don't Tell Policy, PageOneQ has learned.

Keeping tabs on those who oppose our foreign policy internationally is one thing... tracking American citizens who peacefully oppose domestic policy (invoking their constitutional right to freedom of speech) and utilize the proper channels to invoke change is quite another. Shouldn't our Armed Forces be concentrating on much more important targets?

SOURCE >>
Pentagon admits to surveillance of gay groups, releases documents [PageOneQ]

Heather Locklear clone may take over White House podium!

2006-04-10T17:34:00.000-04:00

Scott McClellan, White House Press Secretary, may just have the toughest job in the world: attempting to stonewall a hostile pressroom intent on ripping him a new asshole daily for the bullshit his administration forces him to spout off as fact. Worse still, he kinda sucks at it. No artful con, no fun, and no sex appeal.

Kindof like Season One of Melrose Place, no? Lies, but no fun in telling them.

Well, rumor has it Scotty may not make it through the summer. His potential replacement? Certifiable hottie Dana M. Perino. Welcome to D&D Amanda Woodward!

Not gunna lie, this is one White House staff change we can't wait for! How hot would "take off your shirt, you bastard!" sound in the pressroom?

SOURCE >>
White House Rumor-Mongering: Scott McClellan’s Possible Replacement [Wonkette]

B-Lo Living: Yet another dose of Bills bullshit.

2006-04-10T14:28:00.000-04:00

Well, that picture just about sums it up, wouldn't you say? A match made in heaven.

Anyway, new crisis! at One Bills Drive. Should the new proposed NFL collective bargaining agreement go into effect, it seems it may not be profitable to operate the Bills out of Buffalo any longer.

"I have always said, always, that I would never move the team from Buffalo," [Ralph] Wilson said. "Now, with this new collective bargaining agreement, I'm hopeful I can steadfastly adhere to what I've said. But I am making no promises. "

OMINOUS! Queue mass panic.
Oh wait. We've all heard this shit before. Nevermind.

SOURCE >>
Wilson leaves door open for Bills' exit [Buffalo News]

Rummy under attack by Marines!

2006-04-10T13:52:00.000-04:00

Looks like more and more individuals are getting fed up with the lies surrounding the foreign policy of the Bush administration... this time with Rumsfeld himself. The New York Times reports...

Lt. Gen. Gregory Newbold, who retired in late 2002, also called for replacing Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld and "many others unwilling to fundamentally change their approach." He is the third retired senior officer in recent weeks to demand that Mr. Rumsfeld step down.

In the essay, in this week's issue of Time magazine, General Newbold wrote, "I now regret that I did not more openly challenge those who were determined to invade a country whose actions were peripheral to the real threat — Al Qaeda."

Oh snap. Nice to see even the military is sick of their shit!

SOURCE >>
Third Retired General Wants Rumsfeld Out [NYT]

There's more to Eva Longoria than her vibrator...

2006-04-08T19:04:00.000-04:00

The insightful snarks at Dlisted were kind enough to pass this gem along today. Sadly, in letting the image speak for itself, they offer no clue as to its origin. No matter...
A valid question, no? Well, we decided to compile some theories...

Her comprehensive middle east peace plan was deemed too complex to unleash on the masses... yet.
The press is simply baiting her inevidable "Tony Parker vs. Dildo" comparison.
Vibrators are the new "pet dog in handbag" celebrity trend. Seriously, ask Kate Moss.
After subjecting the world to the details of her Brazilian wax aided sexual awakening, aren't the divulsion of her autoerotic exploits the next logical step? She has much to teach, and her public wants - nay, needs - to learn.
Hot chick. Vibrator. What's not to love? Ladies & gentlemen, we've found the next Sharon Stone.

SOURCE >>
The Question on Everyone's Mind [Dlisted]

B-Lo Living: Giambra steals the Studio Arena's lunch money

2005-10-27T22:15:00.000-04:00

Remember the Erie County "budget crisis"? Ya know, the governmental meltdown that keeps on giving? Well, municipal ineptitude has claimed yet another victim: the Studio Arena Theatre.

The Buffalo News reports that Buffalo's acclaimed professional theatre company has been taken off the list of county subsidized cultural institutions in next year’s budget. The theatre received $200,000 in county funds this year. The Buffalo Zoo, the Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra, the Albright-Knox Art Gallery, the Buffalo Museum of Science, and the Buffalo and Erie County Historical Society round out the list of institutions that will keep their funding.

The justification: the area’s 15 other theatre companies survive without funding. Giambra’s Advisory Board explains…

"The general feeling was that although Studio Arena has a fine product and tries to provide quality theater, it is not stunningly different from the others," Skerker said. "There is plenty of quality theater here."

Be that as it may, we still consider any decrease in funding for the arts a direct blow to our quality of life. In fact, we’d make the counterpoint that more of the remaining 15 should be funded.

But, alas, it seems Ken Neufeld - the Studio Arena’s Executive Director – may have actually shot himself in the foot this time. How? Simple... last summer Neufeld told the Advisory Board that his theatre company could survive without county support.

Neufeld said he made the remark about Studio Arena being able to get by without money only after the Advisory Board asked cultural leaders to come up with what-if budget scenarios. "I thought it was an academic exercise. It never occurred to me that they would cut our funding," he said.

Of course it didn’t! Why would it be anything other than "academic"? Its not like the county was about to experiance a complete fiscal meltdown or anything. Clearly the Advisory Board should have known Ken was 'just kidding'...

Brilliant!

SOURCE >>
Studio Arena taken off county's funding list [Buffalo News]

Harriet pulls the plug!

2005-10-27T09:38:00.000-04:00

Harriet Miers has withdrawn her own Supreme Court Justice nomination, bringing an end to what just may be the most botched nomination in history.

In her letter dated Thursday, Miers said she was concerned that the confirmation process "would create a burden for the White House and our staff that is not in the best interest of the country."

So.. she pulled her own plug. Well, I guess that shows once and for all where her judicial views stand: weren't conservatives pissed about Terri Schiavo?

SOURCE >>
Miers Withdraws Supreme Court Nomination [AP/Yahoo News]

Dick (Cheney) takes a leak...

2005-10-25T16:30:00.000-04:00

Uh oh! Dick might be in danger!

It seems the VP told his Chief of Staff ("Scooter" Libby) the identity of CIA Agent Valerie Plame (the center of the leak investigation currently rocking the White House) weeks before it was made public by syndicated columnist Robert D. Novak.

Is this wrong? No, not really, as both Cheney and Libby certainly have top level security clearance. What's the problem then?

Well, "Scooter" failed to disclose his conversation with the vice-president, which makes it look like he may be protecting Cheney.

...any effort by Mr. Libby to steer investigators away from his conversation with
Mr. Cheney could be considered by Patrick J. Fitzgerald, the special counsel in
the case, to be an illegal effort to impede the inquiry. -- NYT

Seriously, we're not giddy. We promise.

SOURCE >>
Cheney Told Aide of C.I.A. Officer, Lawyers Report [NYT]

Rosa Parks: Thank you for the last 50 years..

2005-10-25T16:17:00.000-04:00

It is with heavy hearts that we as a nation bid farewell to one of the most pivotal individuals of the last 50 years; Rosa Parks died yesterday at the age of 92.

Known globally for her infamous refusal to move to the back of a segregated bus in Montgomery, Alabama (1955), Rosa can be credited triggering what we now know of as the Civil Rights Movement.

We all owe her in immense debt of gratitude, as she has influenced nearly every aspect of the way we live our lives today. May she rest in peace.

SOURCE >>
Rosa Parks, 92, Founding Symbol of Civil Rights Movement, Dies [NYT]

Coming Soon: "Madonna! The Musical"

2005-10-24T13:24:00.000-04:00

Gawker notes..

Madonna continues to dominate the Gay circuit with talk of Broadway. She claims to have material for a musical, the very thought of which could cause Chelsea to spontaneously combust. Go slowly, Madge. [Scoop]

Oh. Shit. Thus sending the gays into the biggest tizzy since.. uh.. well since Madonna kissed Britney we'd imagine.

SOURCE >>
Gossip Roundup: Madonna! the Musical [Scoop via Gawker]

B-Lo Living: Race seen as factor in mayoral vote... in other news, sky is blue.

2005-10-24T12:43:00.000-04:00

Glad this election is about the "issues".

SOURCE >>
Race, Giambra called mayoral vote factors [Buffalo News]

Wax David Hasselhoff's chest from the privacy of your own home...

2005-10-24T10:48:00.000-04:00

If you ever hope to be sexually aroused again (by anyone), DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK!

Wax On, Wax Hoff

Media Deathmatch: Maureen Dowd vs. Judy Miller

2005-10-24T10:08:00.000-04:00

Judy Miller (columnist, New York Times) made headlines as the center of the CIA leak investigation that is now in the process of destroying the Bush administration (she spent 85 days in jail in order to protect her White House source, citing she was protecting the first ammendment). Recently, Miller's source ("Scooter" Libby, Chief of Staff to the Vice President) "released" her from her promise to keep his identity a secret. However, her role as self-proclaimed "martyr" has come under fire as it becomes more and more apparent that the White House had her in their back pocket, and used her to help justify the "Weapons of Mass Destruction" justification of the Iraq war.
****

Maureen Dowd, fellow New York Times columnist is through with Judy's shit.

She never knew when to quit. That was her talent and her flaw. Sorely in need of a tight editorial leash, she was kept on no leash at all, and that has hurt this paper and its trust with readers. She more than earned her sobriquet "Miss Run Amok."

And she makes a great point.. Judy claims her sources were wrong about the WMD's...

Judy admitted in the story that she "got it totally wrong" about WMD "If your sources are wrong," she said, "you are wrong." But investigative reporting is not stenography.

SHA-ZAM! Even Judy's co-workers are turning against her. Maybe this bitch will finally get whats coming to her.

And, we've gotta confess... Maureen kinda lights our fire. Yanno, if we were into that sort of thing.

SOURCE >>
Woman of Mass Destruction [NYT via Truthout.org]

B-Lo Living: Guards escort O.J. Simpson from stands at Bills game

2005-10-21T15:21:00.000-04:00

"The Juice" is lurking around Buffalo again. The ex-football star (and ex-accused murder) O.J. Simpson has been spotted at two Buffalo Bills games recently: last Sunday's game against the Jets, and the previous Sunday's game against Miami.

Normally we wouldn't give a shit where OJ happens to be at any given time (as none of us know Kato Kalen), but but it seems there was a bit of an issue at last Sunday's game. Reports indicate that Simpson was a guest of someone in a luxury box, yet somehow ended up in the stands, in the corner of the tunnel-side endzone. He was later escorted from those very stands by stadium security guards. While clearly something must have occured to spark this action, officials say he was simply escorted out "for his own protection".

Right. Because there are plenty of people who would think it wise to fuck with O.J. Simpson. He clearly is in dire need of "protection".

SOURCE >>
O.J. seen at 2 recent Bills games [Buffalo News]

Bill Clinton, Vice President??

2005-10-21T13:32:00.000-04:00

Norm Ornstein at The Huffington Post has come up with an amusing (if not slightly terrifying) contingency plan in the event the Bush administration actually collapses.

1. Vice President Cheney resigns-- and President Bush replaces him not with Condoleeza Rice, as the rumors in Washington speculate, but with his father, George H.W. Bush.
2. President Bush resigns, allowing his father to move up to the presidency.
3. Bush 41/44 chooses his best buddy and surrogate son Bill Clinton (42, that is) to be Vice President. Talk about a fusion White House. Talk about bringing us together. Talk about compassionate triangulation.

Sadly, stranger things have happened...

SOURCE >>
The Way Out [HuffPo]

B-Lo Living: Mayoral Debate Drinking Game!

2005-10-21T11:34:00.000-04:00

As we're relatively certain we never would have made it through last night's Buffalo Mayoral Debate 2005! without some form of inebriation, we crafted a simple yet effective drinking game:

Drink every time one of the candidates uses the phrase "comprehensive plan" (chug if they use it more than once in a sentance).

As such, we may still be drunk... on Tuesday.

Overall, the debate was every bit the half-hearted catfight we all expected it to be, with Byron Brown (D) and Kevin Helfer (R) unimaginatively attacking each other's political records, and Judith S. Einach (Green Party) and Charles J. Flynn (I) trying desperately not to look like hood ornaments.

We won't even attempt to recap the infighting... instead, we'll leave you with this in summary: they all have a "comprehensive plan". Some have several "comprehensive plans". Some of their "comprehensive plans" include creating more "comprehensive plans". And each of their "comprehensive plans" is much better than all the other three's "comprehensive plans" combined.

Now if you'll excuse us, we need to locate our bottle of Excedrin.

SOURCE >>
Brown-Helfer duel enlivens debate [Buffalo News]

Tom DeLay's mugshot: Say Cheese!

2005-10-21T09:25:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay turned himself in to the Harris County Sheriff's office in Texas following an arrest warrant issed on Wednesday. DeLay was released after posting a $10,000 bond, and is scheduled to make his first court appearance today in Austin. He is charged with conspiracy and money laundering.

This is his mugshot. Doesn't that look like the face of an angel?

Hey, uh, ya know whats wierd? If you move your head back and forth, it kinda looks like his eyes follow you...

SOURCE >>
Smiling DeLay turns himself in for booking [CNN]

Martha Stewart to "toss salad" after "dressing down"... hmm

2005-10-20T16:50:00.000-04:00

Ok, so its really no secret that we're a bit obsessed with Martha here at FuzeLine... well, more like obsessed with the concept of Martha (as we find it painful to watch either of her shows). As a result, we truly do see the beauty of the MSNBC ad for her version of "The Apprentice". 'Its a good thing.'

SOURCE >>
It Sort of Puts Janet Jackson’s Nip Slip in Perspective [Gawker]

B-Lo Living: Power Project audit could mean more booty for Buffalo

2005-10-20T16:03:00.000-04:00

Congressman Brian Higgins continues to kick ass in his attempts to force the New York Power Authority to give Buffalo a bigger cut of its profits (as the Power Project greatly affects the "host" communities around it by its very operation). To sum up the argument, Higgins believes Buffalo & Erie County's settlement should be increased to $10 million (plus interest) annually as the Authority renegotiates its renewal contract with the State of New York. The Power Authority maintains that any such increase settlement size would necessitate electric rate increases.

Higgins has believed this claim to be bullshit from the get-go, and is fighting for the settlement increase as a means to help subsidize the redevelopment of the Buffalo waterfront, and other civic improvements.

As an answer to Higgins' calls for an investigation into the truthfullness of the Authority's claims concerning its financial position, State Comptroller Alan Hevesi (you may remember him from his infamous audit of Erie County) has agreed to audit the Power Project.

A small victory, sure.. but we'll take what we can get.

SOURCE >>
Hevesi to audit Niagara Power Project [Buffalo Business First]

Jeanine Pirro's latest diarrhea of the mouth...

2005-10-20T15:35:00.000-04:00

Jeanine F. Pirro (R, Westchester) is trying her hardest to win Hillary Clinton's senate seat in the upcoming midterm elections. Sadly, her "hardest" has thus far resulted in a campaign so frought with missteps, its almost become a national joke.

Her latest blunder:

During a speech to Chemung County Republicans on Tuesday night in Big Flats, Pirro continued her criticism of the Democratic-controlled Assembly for its refusal to adopt legislation that would civilly confine violent sex offenders after their prison sentences end.
"That's a difference between Democrats and Republicans -we don't want them next door molesting children and murdering women," said the Westchester County prosecutor..

Yes. Thats it. Where have we been all these years to never have made that connection before. Thank you Jeanine... now if you'll excuse us, we need to go find some rapists to hug.

Naturally, Hillary's campain managers promptly shit themselves upon hearing her comments, and popped open yet another bottle of champaign. Said Clinton advisor Howard Wolfson...

"Ms. Pirro's comment is an affront to common decency and an outrageous insult to
the 51/2 million law-abiding Democrats in our state.."

So who came out of this one smelling like roses, and who continues to appear like a crazy prosecutorial extremist? If only Jeanine's handlers could just get her to never speak (no. really... never), she may actually have a fighting chance.

SOURCE >>
Pirro comment on crime decried by Clinton camp [Buffalo News]

Even Michael Jackson gets nabbed for jury duty..

2005-10-20T10:43:00.000-04:00

This can get filed in "Things That Will Never Actually Happen", but hey, a nation can dream...

CNN reports Michael "not-a-child-molester" Jackson has been called for jury duty.

Does this seem like a Fox sitcom pilot in the making to anyone else?

SOURCE >>
Michael Jackson summoned for jury duty [CNN]

American hipocracy hidering Iraqi democracy

2005-10-20T10:01:00.000-04:00

In what should be final proof that we've stepped off the cliff, an Iraqi delegation tasked with studying our government to learn about our democracy has decided to leave the country. Why you ask? THEY WERE "BEWILDERED" BY THE ACTIONS OF THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION AND FELT IT NECESSARY TO LIMIT THEIR EXPOSURE TO THE U.S SYSTEM SO AS TO PROTECT THEIR FRAGILE DEMOCRACY.

A particularly critical point of contention is religion in government: the US has insisted that the new Iraqi government must separate "mosque and state". Strange, we come off as a bit hipocritical...

"Now let me get this straight," Judge Mithaqi said. "You are lecturing us
about keeping religion out of politics, and then your own president and
conservative legal scholars go and tell your public to endorse Miers as a
Supreme Court justice because she is an evangelical Christian.

Oh, and our bullshit continues right on through "right-to-torture"...

A fellow delegation member, Abdul Wahab al-Unfi, a Shiite lawyer who walks
with a limp today as a result of torture in a Saddam prison, said he did not
want to spend another day in Washington after listening to the Bush team defend
its right to use torture in Iraq and Afghanistan.

We're trying to tell people who suffered under Saddam's torture, which was one of the justifications for the war incidentally, that its ok if we torture, just no one else. And the final disdain comes from the editor of one of Iraq's new newspapers. He..

wanted to go home after watching a televised videoconference last Thursday
between soldiers in Iraq and President Bush. The soldiers, 10 Americans and an
Iraqi, were coached by a Pentagon aide on how to respond to Mr. Bush. "I had
nightmares watching this," Sahafi said. "It was right from the Saddam playbook.

RIGHT FROM THE SADDAM PLAYBOOK.

God help us. Who the hell do we think we are?

SOURCE >>
Leading by (Bad) Example [NYT]

Headline Roundup: Republican Asshole Edition

2005-10-19T20:48:00.000-04:00

Rove Replacements Now Being Discussed At White House… [NYT]

Arrest Warrant Issued For DeLay...Bond Set For $10K.... [AP]

Wash Post: Cheney's Office Focus Of Leak Case... [WaPo]

Ah, karma is such a bitch... Hehe.

SOURCE >>
The Huffington Post

B-Lo Living: Skyway Celebrates 50 Years of Uglyness

2005-10-19T16:16:00.000-04:00

Fifty years ago today, the Buffalo Skyway opened to traffic, hailed by the state's public works chief as "so magnificent as to be unforgettable."

Yup.. That it is..

SOURCE >>
Skyway celebrates 50th year [Buffalo News]

Survery Says!: Harriet Hates Abortion... right?

2005-10-19T14:28:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time, Supreme Court Justice nominee Harriet Miers filled out a survery.

The setting: 1989. A good year for Harriet (heavy blue eyeshadow was at the peak of its popularity). She decided to run for Dallas city council (following in the footsteps of the great Bobby Ewing, I believe), and as a result filled out a survey for Texans United for Life, a group staunchly against abortion. The survey asked:

"If Congress passes a Human Life Amendment to the Constitution that would prohibit abortion except when it was necessary to prohibit the death of the mother, would you actively support its ratification by the Texas Legislature?"

Harriet said yes. Additionally...

She told the group she would support a state ban on abortion, oppose public financing for abortions, participate in "pro-life" events and use her "influence as an elected official" to "promote the pro-life cause."

So, this may be the clearest indication we've gotten of Harriet's views on abortion to date. However, we ask ourselves, isn't it possible that her views have changed since 1989? Just remember... her eyeshadow hasn't.

SOURCE >>
Nominee Backed Ban on Abortion in 1989 Campaign [NYT]

Gays watch "Golden Girls" and Bravo.. Who knew?

2005-10-19T13:10:00.000-04:00

Simmons Market Research recently conducted a study of the TV watching habits of 19,000 gay and lesbian indivuals, and discovered what comes as no shock to any of us...

The gays like the Golden Girls.

Also...

On cable, gay men are most likely to watch — in this order — Comedy Central, Discovery, Spike TV, A&E, Bravo, Sci Fi, CNN, Lifetime, Fox News Channel and HGTV, it said.
Gay women show distinct preferences for pay-cable channels. In order, they said they watched HBO, A&E, USA, ESPN, Discovery, Lifetime, Showtime, Bravo, TNT and Starz, a premium movie channel.

We particularly love how ESPN shows up in only one of the two listings.

SOURCE >>
LOVE 'PARK'? MAYBE YOU'RE GAY [NYP]

Saddam throws temper tantrum in court!

2005-10-19T12:40:00.000-04:00

Moments after pleading "innocent" to the charges of murder and torture that have been brought against him, Saddam Hussein solidified his overall "good guy" image by initiating a shoving match with his guards.

When a break was called, Saddam stood, smiling, and asked to step out of the room. When two guards tried to grab his arms to escort him out, he angrily shook them off. They tried to grab him again, and Saddam struggled to free himself. Saddam and the guards shoved each other and yelled for about a minute.

Real classy Saddam. Even Lil Kim managed to make it in and out of court without going batshit on anyone.

SOURCE >>
Saddam Pleads Innocent, Gets Into Scuffle [ABC News]

Wilma is the gayest hurricane ever, biatch!

2005-10-19T11:49:00.000-04:00

SOURCE >>
Also, the All-Time Gayest [Gawker]

Condi Rice, Vice President??

2005-10-19T11:36:00.000-04:00

Things aren't going so well in Vice President Dick Cheney's office. First, his Chief of Staff - "Scooter" Libby - is revealed as Judy Miller's source for the infamous article that landed her in jail. Then rumors surrounding the Fitzgerald investigation into the CIA leak/Valerie Plame case indicate Cheney himself may have been more involved in the leak than originally suspected. All of which has sparked rumors in Washington that the Vice President might step down, and potentially leading President Bush to propose Condoleezza Rice (Secretary of State) to replace him.

Republicans on Capitol Hill are already preparing arguments as to why this won't be allowed to happen. Our favorite one proves how "one-track" minded they really are...

"Isn't she pro-choice?" asked a key Senate Republican aide.

God its like they just carry around a tape player on loop...

SOURCE >>
White House Watch: Cheney resignation rumors fly [US News & World Report]

Remedial Navy Security

2005-10-19T10:53:00.000-04:00

Below is an excerpt from an actual US Navy instructional course (the picture comes straight from the course description.)

Put your Security Helmet on.
SECNAVINST 5510.30A, CH 4, Para 4 - Once a year,
all personnel who have access to classified information will receive a refresher
briefing designed to enhance security awareness.

Seems about right...

SOURCE >>
Put your Security Helmet on [www.navy.mil]

"The Simple Life" just won't die

2005-10-18T12:33:00.000-04:00

Upon hearing the news last week that Fox had cancelled The Simple Life, we confess we were a bit... relieved. Quite frankly, we weren't sure how much more we could take of the transparently scripted hyjinx of Paris & Nicole. And quite frankly, we're not sure Nicole Ritchie's body could handle it either (that is without either being blown away like a plastic bag, or simply imploding).

But alas, it seems 20th Century Fox is trying to shop the show to other networks. Says Paris...

"We're shooting Nov. 1... All the networks are fighting over it."

And by "all the networks" she means "UPN".

Brace yourselves.

SOURCE >>
Hilton Still Shooting 'The Simple Life' [Yahoo News]

FuzeLine - Off Until Tuesday Evening

2005-10-17T13:08:00.000-04:00

Yeah, we suck. Due to curcumstances beyond our control, there will be no new content on this site until Tuesday evening.

Insurgents manage to "punk" US Military in Iraq... again

2005-10-14T23:56:00.000-04:00

Tags: US Military, Iraq

Things continue to move along splendidly in Iraq. This Saturday, citizens are slated to vote on a historic draft constitution that if passed will lead to the establishment of a perminant democratic government. Since much is at stake on this pivotal day, the United States has take steps to protect "freedom" in the best way it knows how:

By closing the borders, halting air traffic, imposing manditory curfews on all citizens, and enforcing a nationwide driving ban*.

It appears "freedom" is in the eye of the beholder. Anyways, with all bases covered and all citizens basically under house arrest, what the hell could go wrong?

Ah, those crafty insurgents, always coming up with ways to cockblock "freedom". Their prank of the week? Blowing up an electrical supply tower serving 70% of Baghdad, amoung other areas. Bam, lights out.

Not suprisingly, the US remains optimistic about the success of the vote. Their reason? The voting will be done on paper, so who needs power? EVERYTHING IS FINE, DON'T GIVE IT A SECOND THOUGHT.

All this begs the question... if blackouts in Los Angeles (on the US mainland, theoretically a "stable" city in a "stable" country) led to rioting and looting, then what can we expect in Baghdad, a modern day icon of instability?

We're betting people are roasting marshmellows and singing camp songs. "Let There Be Peace On Earth" perhaps?

* It should be noted that these precautions were implemented to help reduce the risk of carbomb attacks on polling places. Still...

SOURCES >>

Blackouts in Baghdad, Basra before balloting [USA Today]

Vote is critical turning point for Iraq [USA Today]

Bush not a fan of "numbers"

2005-10-13T12:28:00.000-04:00

Tags: Politics, George W Bush, Harriet Miers,

A new NBC News/Wall Street Journal poll confirms what we've all been smiling smugly about for weeks: Bush's approval rating (along with other key polling statistics) is in a freefalling tailspin. Here are some of the numbers that are currently causing Barbara Bush to weep softly into a gold-laced hankerchief:

Only 39% believe Bush is doing a good job. A whopping 54% disapprove.
Better still, only 28% believe the country is headed in the right direction.
Only 29% believe Harriet Miers - his controversial nominee for Supreme Court Justice - is qualified for the post.

And we had such high hopes for this administration.

via Bush approval dips below 40 percent [MSNBC]

B-Lo Living: "Queen City Hub" means no hubba-hubba?

2005-10-13T11:36:00.000-04:00

We'll admit, Mayor Massiello's statement concerning the proposed strip club on Pearl Street threw us for a loop yesterday. To recap:

"I don't believe it fits into our Queen City Hub plan," Masiello said. "It's
not the kind of entertainment we envision for downtown."

What was this mysterious "Queen City Hub" plan? And what did it have against strippers? Clearly research was in order. And by "research" we mean Google.

Result: It exists, its verbose (but makes up for it with pretty, shiny pictures) & lofty, and it contains nothing to indicate its framers had any problems with strip clubs. Upon further investigation, however, we find that we're impressed with many of the ideas and concepts outlined in this plan, and is the kind of vision for Buffalo that we could really get behind; that is, as long as it is not impropery invoked as a political device to keep subjectively "undesireable" businesses out of certain downtown districts.

Which it just was, and probably will be again. Progress.

Croatians come out via big gay newspaper ad!

2005-10-12T21:30:00.000-04:00

Gay Croatians banded together this week to collectively "out" themselves to their fellow citizens, in a way that was every bit as bold as it was creative: they took out full page ads in several of the country's newspapers stating "I don't want to hide anymore." The ads listed the first names of 1200 people, and calls on the Croatian public to "reconsider [their] prejudices".

While the "outing" may only be a symbolic gesture (as full names were not used), organizers hope it will help force a debate on gay rights within the Croatian government. Although Croatia collectively exhibits the prejudices against homosexuality evident in many devoutly Catholic countries, activists say that a rise in western tourism* has defused a more tolerant attitude towards gays through the culture.

We tip our hats to our ballsy Croatian brothers and sisters who this week stood up together for something they believed in, and in the process made a small but substantial step forward in our fight for global tolerance.

* Croatia's Hvar island has become party hotspot for the rich & famous according to Taradise!: Episode 9. In this case we'll take Tara Reid's word for it, even if she was drunk when she said it. Haha, if.

via Croatia gays come out symbolically in ad [Gay.com News]

Hillary hits Hollywood to pitch show about female President

2005-10-12T17:40:00.000-04:00

Wait. No. Thats not it. Gina Davis can breathe a sigh of relief. Still, since she's "not running for President", what else could she be there for? The tan, we're guessing. Or...

Variety says:

Events include a $500-per-person reception at the home of Rob Reiner and a $1,000-per-person brunch hosted by film producers Bruce Cohen and Dan Jinks. Television producer Marta Kauffman will also welcome Clinton to her home for a fund-raiser... Coin raised on this trip will go to Clinton's 2006 re-election campaign in New York.

Of course! This is about her getting re-elected to the senate, nothing more.

But speculation on a presidential bid is picking up momentum.

Ah, the plot thickens.

Interesting subtext can be found in this article, however:

...with the ratings success of ABC's frosh skein "Commander in Chief," which stars Geena Davis as the first female president, pundits see the portrayal as warming the country up to the idea of a woman occupying the Oval Office.

And now, the million dollar question: how long do you think it will take until conservative pundits start claiming "Commander in Chief" is the centerpiece of a liberal conspiracy to get Hillary elected. And more importantly, does that make Gina a co-conspirator? Stay tuned.

via The Hillary Tour [Variety]

B-Lo Living: Lapdances will soon be available downtown

2005-10-12T15:22:00.000-04:00

The Century Grill, a restaurant on Pearl Street downtown, has declared its intention to open a strip club in the unoccupied space on the second floor of the building it currently leases.

The best part? The space in question used to be a masonic temple.

Clearly a shitstorm of opposition and bitching is sure to follow from all directions, not that that sort of reaction ever happens in Buffalo. Masiello starts us off with a rather boring position:

"I don't believe it fits into our Queen City Hub plan," Masiello said. "It's not the kind of entertainment we envision for downtown."

AND WE MUST NOT DEVIATE FROM THE OMNIPOTENT "QUEEN CITY HUB" PLAN. Wait, what the fuck is the "Queen City Hub" plan? And what kind of entertainment do we envision downtown? Circuses and monster truck rallies??

Must be over our heads. Anyway, our bets are you'll be gittin' your downtown titty-fix by new years. That is, if you like that sort of thing.

via Exotic club proposal gets cool response [Buffalo News]

The First Lady thinks people hatin' on Harriet Miers are sexist

2005-10-12T12:24:00.000-04:00

In an attempt to deflect protests from both the left and right stating that Supreme Court Justice nominee Harriet Miers is grossly underqualified for the post, President Bush whipped out his secret weapon... Laura.

Asked whether the nominee's detractors are sexist, Mrs. Bush, appearing alongside her husband, said, "That's possible, I think that's possible."

Personally, I believe their hesitation stems more from the fact that Harriet is really Jerri Blank. But hey, why argue about qualifications when you can argue about gender. After all, I'm sure Sandra Day O'Connor was really a man anyways.

via Bush stands by nominee's credentials [Washington Times]

Tom Golisano switches teams

2005-10-11T15:42:00.003-04:00

Breathe Buffalonians, he hasn't dumped the Sabres.. yet. However, he has dumped the Independance Party in anticipation of his upcoming gubernatorial campaign. Golisano will be running for governer of New York State as a Republican. Hey, at least he had the forsight to get his flip-flopping out of the way before the campaign begins.

via Golisano switches to GOP [Business First]

Smurf-o-cide in Europe!

2005-10-11T14:30:00.000-04:00

In a rather unsubtle attempt to make a point, UNICEF has launched a new ad campaign on Belgian television featuring, of course, the Smurfs being bombed. Yes. They're bombing the Smurfs. Like thats not going to cause an entire generation of Belgian children to be scarred for life.

via UNICEF Bombs Smurfs to Highlight Plight [Associated Press]

"Queer Eye" for the "Desperate Housewives"?

2005-10-11T13:50:00.000-04:00

The boys at the PEN15 Club have some excellent plot ideas for the relatively lackluster second season of Desperate Housewives. Some of our favorites...

The missing lad Zach returns home with a new outlook on life and a new girlfriend: Janice Dickinson, starring as herself and snorting a line of coke off of Zach's glasses rims while straddling him. She spends the rest of the season in a lawn chair eating nachos and showing her vagina to passers by.
It's revealed that Gabrielle (Eva Longoria) is actually a man played by "Queer Eye's" Jai Rodriguez. Carlos, now accustomed to bottoming for his fellow inmates, thinks the news just fabulous.
Bree parts her hair on the left for once, revealing cranial tattoos she got as part of a gang initiation. It turns out that Mrs. Applewhite (Alfre Woodard) gave them to her in the 80s, and she's now come back to Wysteria Lane to reclaim the crack she hid in Bree's rectum.

And, our favorite...

Bree's (Marcia Cross) gay son, Andrew bottoms for blond lawnboy Ryan Carnes for a solid half hour, and gets caught by Susan, who just happens to be wandering through his home because she "heard some noises."

via Desperately seeking life [The PEN15 Club] (more plotline suggestions)

Bush makes pretend Katrina never happened

2005-10-11T12:49:00.000-04:00

The president gassed up Air Force One again yesterday, and made yet another trip to New Orleans (really. we get it. you're on the case.); this time to dine with mayor Nagin in the French Quarter and pretend the ability to do so was emblematic of some sort of "great progress" in the recovery effort.

Uh, didn't the French Quarter stay pretty dry during the flooding? So the fact that he's eating at a restaurant that really wasn't so much affected symbolizes what exactly?

On his only other overnight in the city, Bush had to bunk on the USS Iwo Jima, which had been docked near downtown. This time, a month later, he was able to stay in a hotel, and he chose the luxury hotel, the Windsor Court.

Ah, I get it now! New Orleans is now open, uh, as long as you can afford a luxury hotel. And thank god. Er, God. Er.. whatever.

via Bush dines, stays in French Quarter [CNN]

B-Lo Living: AIDS Community Services makes real progress in Allentown

2005-10-11T12:15:00.000-04:00

We'd like to note from the get-go that this item is not meant to be humorous or snarky in any way. It concerns a very big step for Buffalo, particularly Buffalo's gay community.

An abandoned building in the Buffalo Niagara Medical Campus (directly adjacent to the Allentown neighboorhood) is in the process of being demolished to make way for construction of a new $10 million dollar research and medical services center for AIDS Comminity Services. Says their Director of Marketing, Chris Voltz:

"This will make us a model for AIDS centers around the nation," Voltz said. "Ending the epidemic of AIDS has always been our goal. Now we can actively participate in research which will advance the cause by leaps and bounds."

It is heartening to see that in Buffalo, an area notorious for big hopes and little action, a project with such positive implications for the gay community is actually coming to fruition.

via AIDS agency to move to new High St. facility [Buffalo News]

Anna Wintour gets a facial

2005-10-10T10:12:00.000-04:00

Anna Wintour (the notorious editrix of the American version of Vogue Magazine) was gang-pied by angry members of PETA in Paris this past Sunday in protest for her fur-pushing agenda. The picture is worth a thousand words.

via Anna Wintour, Parisian Cream Pie Cutie [Gawker]

Kate Moss burglarizes Boy George's apartment

2005-10-10T09:43:00.000-04:00

Well, maybe not exactly, but it would almost make sense...

Boy George was arrested early Friday morning after police arrived at his Manhattan apartment to investigate a burglary he had reported. Because they found a line of cocaine next to his computer.

Said Boy George's lawyer:

"He does not know where it came from. He's had a lot of people in his house. . . A man who has something to hide does not call police."

Yeah, unless he figured the odds were slim that he'd ever leave a line un-hoovered. Or, as noted above, Kate Moss was involved.

via Boy George is arrested after reporting burglary [Buffalo News]

Buffalo Eventlog: 10/7 - 10/9

2005-10-07T11:00:00.000-04:00

Ok. Time to stop bitching, get off your ass, and actually do something this weekend. Unless you're poor like us, in which case your weekend may consist of tap water and reruns of The OC. Don't be like us.

More events will be added throughout the day today.

FRIDAY >>

Grooverider @ Opium Lounge
http://www.wnysor.net/cal_display.php?id=2559&day=7&amp;amp;amp;month=10&year=2005&category=
Drum & Bass
10pm/18+/$10 cover
Ride the rhythm with the godfather of DnB.

Farewell @ 658
http://www.wnysor.net/cal_display.php?id=2588&day=7&amp;amp;amp;month=10&year=2005&category=
Breaks, Electro, Funk, House
Bid Friday’s at 658 farewell in style.

Badfish @ Town Ballroom
http://www.townballroom.com/events.htm
A tribute to Sublime.
8pm/$12

SATURDAY >>

Ring of Fire: The Johnny Cash Musical Show
http://www.studioarena.org/
7pm/$25-$58

Grooverider @ 658
http://www.wnysor.net/cal_display.php?id=2559&day=7&amp;amp;amp;month=10&year=2005&category=
Drum & Bass
10pm/18+/$10 cover
Ride again.

Martha to row 600 lb. pumpkin across Canadian lake!

2005-10-07T10:11:00.000-04:00

Just a day after her criminal record prevented her from crossing the canadian border, Reuters serves us up this tender morsel:

Worried Martha Stewart fans can relax -- the ex-felon lifestyle guru will be rowing a giant 600 lb (270 kg) decorated pumpkin across a Canadian lake this weekend after all.

I'm not gunna lie to you, I was worried. I even said a little prayer for her last night. Luckily:

Canadian immigration officials, keen to avoid a public relations faux pas, contacted her office to say she would quickly get the permit if she applied for one.

I'm telling ya, I can see it now: Martha for President 2012. Foreign governments are literally bending their immigraton policies just to please her.

Anyway, just remember this: while you're freezing in front of the TV this weekend, Martha will be inside a hollowed out 600 lb. pumpkin rowing herself across a lake. And then will probably be obsessive compulsively baking pumpkin pies from the remains of her pumpkin boat well into the forseeable future. Yum.

via Martha Stewart to race pumpkin across Canada lake [Reuters]

B-Lo Living: County control board may bite!

2005-10-06T15:29:00.000-04:00

Despite what you may think, Erie County Fiscal Stability Authority is actually quite kinky! It appears they're not really too happy being "soft", because they're certainly on track to become "hard" at any moment.

Today, the control board rejected the revised 4-year recovery plan approved by the Erie County legislature, noting issues with the heavy tax increases planned to cover the budget defecit.

If a suitable fiscal recovery plan isn't approved and in place by Oct. 30, the county control board could shift from an advisory role to one with more teeth, clout and powers that could impose pay and hiring freezes.

Teeth?? Now that's a turnoff.

via County control board balks at Legislature plan [Business First]

Martha Stewart banned from Canada!

2005-10-06T15:06:00.000-04:00

It seems that Martha Stewart, America's favorite domestic diva/ice queen/author/daytime television host/reality tv star/OCD-CEO/felon, may have some border issues. She (and her production team) planned to spend this weekend (Canadian Thanksgiving) attending a pumpkin festival and parade in the Canadian province of Nova Scotia.

But, alas, Canadian immigration law prohibits ex-cons from crossing the border. Poor Martha, and she thought the ankle bracelet was bad?? She's now a prisoner in her own country!

Most amusing part of all of this? The war it started in the Canadian Parliament:

"I have no fear of her burying us with her prison poncho throwing a homemade pie," said Stockwell Day, foreign affairs chief for the opposition Conservative Party.

Perhaps not, but plenty of us would pay to see her try.

via Canada tells Martha: Take off, eh! [NYDN]

The Economics of Cronyism: Replacing Greenspan

2005-10-06T09:55:00.000-04:00

Basically we're doomed. Alan Greenspan, Chairman of the Federal Reserve Board since 1992 will be vacating his office on January 31st of 2006. FEMA, be warned, you've got four months to prepare.

Greenspan leaves this post after five distinguished terms, serving under both Republican and Democrat administrations. He was always considered to operate miles above partisan politics, which coupled with his deft and brilliant steering of Fed policy made him an international financial icon.

It would be difficult for any president to replace him.

But George W. Bush is not just any president, nosiree. He excells at placing highly qualified individuals in charge of federal agencies who's purposes match their skillsets ("Brownie, You're Doin' A Heck of A Job"). You can feel his conviction from this quote:

During his news conference on Tuesday, Mr. Bush made reassuring noises aimed at global markets. "It's important that whomever I pick is viewed as an independent person from politics," the president said. "It's this independence of the Fed that gives people not only here in America, but the world, confidence."

I'm sure we can expect nothing less than a bona fide (independant!) financial guru will replace Greenspan. Or at least someone with a Texas GED. I mean, they at least have to pass the math proficiency test, right?

via The Next Alan Greenspan [New York Times]

Lesbian bar narrowly avoids massive flame-out

2005-10-05T23:15:00.000-04:00

Roxy's, a prominant lesbian bar on Main Street in Buffalo, nearly had a brush with disaster. Around 8pm this evening, a fire broke out in the building next door, effectively closing down both Main Street and North Pearl while the Buffalo Fire Department fought the blaze. Thankfully, the establishment (and the alcohol within) seems to have suffered little to no damage.

See, God may not hate the gays after all!

On a somber note, it appears the downtown headquarters of the Hospice Foundation may have been damaged in the blaze. I'll update as I learn more.

UPDATE: Sources tell me Roxy's was in fact open later in the evening. See, takes a lot more than a little flame-out to deter gay nightlife in Buffalo!

Too bad Laura doesn't look like Jamie Pressly...

2005-10-05T13:28:00.000-04:00

"Any..anybody need a sandwich?"

via George Bush is sorry [Jossip]

Less conservation, more refineries!

2005-10-05T09:26:00.000-04:00

Last week the White House issued a statement calling for all Americans to conserve energy wherever possiple. Ok, I know this seems like it would be obvious, but hey, sometimes people need these things spelled out for them, so more power to the prez. Then we hear that White House staffers are surrendering their parking passes for free mass transit cards. Amazing, great way to lead by example. Perhaps a little forced, but we'll take what we can get.

Then we learn that Air Force One costs about $40,000 an hour to operate. And suddenly, our desire to carpool gets flushed down the toilet. Because its not like the President just took seven trips on Air Force One to fly over New Orleans in the last month. Conservation at its finest!

Oh. Wait. Conservation is a dirty word for oil companies. And as Bush is a true oil man at heart:

"It ought to be clear to everybody that this country needs to
build more refining capacity to be able to deal with the issues of tight
supply," [Bush] said.

YES! Screw conservation! The answer is simply to refine more oil! You can almost hear the sighs of relief from White House staffers; after all, you know they weren't thrilled about riding the subway with the minorities... er, commoners.

via Bush calls for more refineries [CNN Money]

B-Lo Living: Senaca's Find Metro Absurd Too!

2005-10-04T20:02:00.000-04:00

Turns out all this time the Senaca's had the local press duped! News outlets latched on to the DL&W Terminal early in the selection process, and by the end everyone local media had jumped on the bandwagon. Hell, it seemed perfect! A casino on the waterfront, right behind the HSBC Arena, and adjacent to the new Bass Pro project in the old Memorial Auditorium. Triple Threat!

Yeah, they were wrong. What did the Senaca's buy? BASICALLY EVERY OTHER PARCEL OF LAND IN THE COBBLESTONE DISTRICT OTHER THAN THE DL&W TERMINAL, effectively giving the NFTA (the DL&W's owner) and the local media the proverbial finger.

And hey, at least the NFTA gets to keep their prime waterfront subway maintenance building. Doesn't progress make you smile?

via Senecas Pick Casino Site [WIVB.COM]

RELATED >> B-Lo Living: What happens at the railyards, stays at the railyards

Bush's SCOTUS Nominee May Not Hate the Gays

2005-10-04T13:48:00.000-04:00

Woah Drudge, calm down!! This is hardly news! After all, she is the "Bush Packing" nominee.

via Drudge Report

B-Lo Living: What Happens at the Railyards, Stays At the Railyards

2005-10-04T12:16:00.000-04:00

It looks like the Senaca Nation of Indians is poised to name their site for a downtown Buffalo Casino today. What will they choose you ask? The DL&W Terminal at the foot of Main Street. Why is this ironic? Its the terminus of the never finished MetroRail system in Buffalo, meaning we're putting a casino directly on top of a transportation system that effectively takes people nowhere. Except to UB. Which is full of students who cannot legally gamble. Brilliant!

via Senecas name casino site today [Buffalo News]

Quotes of the Week: 9/25/05 - 10/1/05

2005-09-30T23:42:00.000-04:00

"Why don't you go back to your office... I'll have a pair of my pants delivered... You can try to get into them on your own time"
Heather Locklear
as Kelly Nolan
on "Boston Legal"

"Yeah, she's a bitch.. but she's family.. so she's our bitch"
Sean Pyfrom
as Andrew Van De Kamp
on "Desperate Housewives"

“People act like it was the worst crime in the world. It was a mistake, you know!” Tara said in an interview for the November issue of FHM... But you would think my boob had popped out and shot Gandhi!"
Tara Reid
via Tara Reid's Deadly Implants [Defamer]

"I have to say that I think maybe they did her a favor, and maybe she'll actually get help. Coffee's one thing, but coke is another. It's not something you want to really have as a problem in your life."
Jennifer Love Hewett
on Kate Moss
via Hewitt: 'H&M Bosses Have Done Moss a Favor' [Hollywood.com]
{EDITOR'S NOTE: Miss Hewett apparently believes that total career annhialation is actually a positive thing for our beloved Cocaine Kate. Why the hell would C-list starlet who's movie credits include such cinematic masterpieces as "I Know What You Did Last Summer" and "Can't Hardly Wait" be permitted to comment on an issue such as this? And worse, why the hell would anyone publish said comment? Its like asking Kate Moss herself to write an op-ed piece on poverty and race issues in the United States.}

"Ok, I just called to tell you that I can never leave my house again. And I HATE KELLY CLARKSON. DAMN HER!!"
[Redacted]

"So I open up my fortune cookie after lunch, and it says 'Oops... Wrong Cookie!'. How fucked up is that?"
[Redacted]

Gay Friend Attempts Self Conversion, Fails.

2005-09-30T22:05:00.000-04:00

After years of unsuccessfully attempting to convert unwitting breeder-boys, my eternally frustrated best friend temporarily falls in love with a set of boobs last Saturday. I'm certain this was in no way related to the gallon of Stoli he consumed this particular evening. Sadly, this star-crossed romance was not to be. Said friend discovered later in the week that while they maybe fun, boobies are in no way a suitable cock replacement. Le Sigh.

Months of gratuitous mockery will clearly follow. I did the honors of getting the ball rolling:

FuzeLineUSA: so, the whole straight scare thing was a PR stunt wasn't it..
FuzeLineUSA: like tom cruise jumping the couch
FuzeLineUSA: you jumped the cooch
FuzeLineUSA: oh thats so an away message
[Redacted]: HAHAHA

This boy needs a new publicist.