FuzeLine: Irony's A Bitch

Pentagon fails at tracking Bin Laden, tracks gays instead...

2006-04-11T17:58:00.000-04:00

The U.S. Military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy concerning homosexuals among the ranks has always been a touchy (ahem..) subject. On one hand, it can be viewed as descriminatory: people shouldn't be punished for being themselves. On the other hand, a person's sexuality shouldn't have any bearing on their abilities as a soldier, and as such need not necessarily be discussed, gay or straight.

Of course, the argument and conflict usually lies in the fact that there is a blatant double standard in actual practice, however the finer points of said argument is well beyond the scope of this post. Believe what you want, just make an informed decision.

No matter where you stand on the issue, it is important not to forget that there are those who disagree with you. Such is the beauty of a free country, of free speech... opposing viewpoints and the debate they inspire are the very foundation of our country.

Which is what makes this so disturbing...

The Servicemembers Legal Defense Network has released documents obtained under the Freedom of Information Act from the Department of Defense, which confirm the military's surveillance of organizations working to repeal the Military's Don't Ask, Don't Tell Policy, PageOneQ has learned.

Keeping tabs on those who oppose our foreign policy internationally is one thing... tracking American citizens who peacefully oppose domestic policy (invoking their constitutional right to freedom of speech) and utilize the proper channels to invoke change is quite another. Shouldn't our Armed Forces be concentrating on much more important targets?

SOURCE >>
Pentagon admits to surveillance of gay groups, releases documents [PageOneQ]

Heather Locklear clone may take over White House podium!

2006-04-10T17:34:00.000-04:00

Scott McClellan, White House Press Secretary, may just have the toughest job in the world: attempting to stonewall a hostile pressroom intent on ripping him a new asshole daily for the bullshit his administration forces him to spout off as fact. Worse still, he kinda sucks at it. No artful con, no fun, and no sex appeal.

Kindof like Season One of Melrose Place, no? Lies, but no fun in telling them.

Well, rumor has it Scotty may not make it through the summer. His potential replacement? Certifiable hottie Dana M. Perino. Welcome to D&D Amanda Woodward!

Not gunna lie, this is one White House staff change we can't wait for! How hot would "take off your shirt, you bastard!" sound in the pressroom?

SOURCE >>
White House Rumor-Mongering: Scott McClellan’s Possible Replacement [Wonkette]

B-Lo Living: Yet another dose of Bills bullshit.

2006-04-10T14:28:00.000-04:00

Well, that picture just about sums it up, wouldn't you say? A match made in heaven.

Anyway, new crisis! at One Bills Drive. Should the new proposed NFL collective bargaining agreement go into effect, it seems it may not be profitable to operate the Bills out of Buffalo any longer.

"I have always said, always, that I would never move the team from Buffalo," [Ralph] Wilson said. "Now, with this new collective bargaining agreement, I'm hopeful I can steadfastly adhere to what I've said. But I am making no promises. "

OMINOUS! Queue mass panic.
Oh wait. We've all heard this shit before. Nevermind.

SOURCE >>
Wilson leaves door open for Bills' exit [Buffalo News]

Rummy under attack by Marines!

2006-04-10T13:52:00.000-04:00

Looks like more and more individuals are getting fed up with the lies surrounding the foreign policy of the Bush administration... this time with Rumsfeld himself. The New York Times reports...

Lt. Gen. Gregory Newbold, who retired in late 2002, also called for replacing Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld and "many others unwilling to fundamentally change their approach." He is the third retired senior officer in recent weeks to demand that Mr. Rumsfeld step down.

In the essay, in this week's issue of Time magazine, General Newbold wrote, "I now regret that I did not more openly challenge those who were determined to invade a country whose actions were peripheral to the real threat — Al Qaeda."

Oh snap. Nice to see even the military is sick of their shit!

SOURCE >>
Third Retired General Wants Rumsfeld Out [NYT]

There's more to Eva Longoria than her vibrator...

2006-04-08T19:04:00.000-04:00

The insightful snarks at Dlisted were kind enough to pass this gem along today. Sadly, in letting the image speak for itself, they offer no clue as to its origin. No matter...
A valid question, no? Well, we decided to compile some theories...

Her comprehensive middle east peace plan was deemed too complex to unleash on the masses... yet.
The press is simply baiting her inevidable "Tony Parker vs. Dildo" comparison.
Vibrators are the new "pet dog in handbag" celebrity trend. Seriously, ask Kate Moss.
After subjecting the world to the details of her Brazilian wax aided sexual awakening, aren't the divulsion of her autoerotic exploits the next logical step? She has much to teach, and her public wants - nay, needs - to learn.
Hot chick. Vibrator. What's not to love? Ladies & gentlemen, we've found the next Sharon Stone.

SOURCE >>
The Question on Everyone's Mind [Dlisted]

B-Lo Living: Giambra steals the Studio Arena's lunch money

2005-10-27T22:15:00.000-04:00

Remember the Erie County "budget crisis"? Ya know, the governmental meltdown that keeps on giving? Well, municipal ineptitude has claimed yet another victim: the Studio Arena Theatre.

The Buffalo News reports that Buffalo's acclaimed professional theatre company has been taken off the list of county subsidized cultural institutions in next year’s budget. The theatre received $200,000 in county funds this year. The Buffalo Zoo, the Buffalo Philharmonic Orchestra, the Albright-Knox Art Gallery, the Buffalo Museum of Science, and the Buffalo and Erie County Historical Society round out the list of institutions that will keep their funding.

The justification: the area’s 15 other theatre companies survive without funding. Giambra’s Advisory Board explains…

"The general feeling was that although Studio Arena has a fine product and tries to provide quality theater, it is not stunningly different from the others," Skerker said. "There is plenty of quality theater here."

Be that as it may, we still consider any decrease in funding for the arts a direct blow to our quality of life. In fact, we’d make the counterpoint that more of the remaining 15 should be funded.

But, alas, it seems Ken Neufeld - the Studio Arena’s Executive Director – may have actually shot himself in the foot this time. How? Simple... last summer Neufeld told the Advisory Board that his theatre company could survive without county support.

Neufeld said he made the remark about Studio Arena being able to get by without money only after the Advisory Board asked cultural leaders to come up with what-if budget scenarios. "I thought it was an academic exercise. It never occurred to me that they would cut our funding," he said.

Of course it didn’t! Why would it be anything other than "academic"? Its not like the county was about to experiance a complete fiscal meltdown or anything. Clearly the Advisory Board should have known Ken was 'just kidding'...

Brilliant!

SOURCE >>
Studio Arena taken off county's funding list [Buffalo News]

Harriet pulls the plug!

2005-10-27T09:38:00.000-04:00

Harriet Miers has withdrawn her own Supreme Court Justice nomination, bringing an end to what just may be the most botched nomination in history.

In her letter dated Thursday, Miers said she was concerned that the confirmation process "would create a burden for the White House and our staff that is not in the best interest of the country."

So.. she pulled her own plug. Well, I guess that shows once and for all where her judicial views stand: weren't conservatives pissed about Terri Schiavo?

SOURCE >>
Miers Withdraws Supreme Court Nomination [AP/Yahoo News]

Dick (Cheney) takes a leak...

2005-10-25T16:30:00.000-04:00

Uh oh! Dick might be in danger!

It seems the VP told his Chief of Staff ("Scooter" Libby) the identity of CIA Agent Valerie Plame (the center of the leak investigation currently rocking the White House) weeks before it was made public by syndicated columnist Robert D. Novak.

Is this wrong? No, not really, as both Cheney and Libby certainly have top level security clearance. What's the problem then?

Well, "Scooter" failed to disclose his conversation with the vice-president, which makes it look like he may be protecting Cheney.

...any effort by Mr. Libby to steer investigators away from his conversation with
Mr. Cheney could be considered by Patrick J. Fitzgerald, the special counsel in
the case, to be an illegal effort to impede the inquiry. -- NYT

Seriously, we're not giddy. We promise.

SOURCE >>
Cheney Told Aide of C.I.A. Officer, Lawyers Report [NYT]

Rosa Parks: Thank you for the last 50 years..

2005-10-25T16:17:00.000-04:00

It is with heavy hearts that we as a nation bid farewell to one of the most pivotal individuals of the last 50 years; Rosa Parks died yesterday at the age of 92.

Known globally for her infamous refusal to move to the back of a segregated bus in Montgomery, Alabama (1955), Rosa can be credited triggering what we now know of as the Civil Rights Movement.

We all owe her in immense debt of gratitude, as she has influenced nearly every aspect of the way we live our lives today. May she rest in peace.

SOURCE >>
Rosa Parks, 92, Founding Symbol of Civil Rights Movement, Dies [NYT]

Coming Soon: "Madonna! The Musical"

2005-10-24T13:24:00.000-04:00

Gawker notes..

Madonna continues to dominate the Gay circuit with talk of Broadway. She claims to have material for a musical, the very thought of which could cause Chelsea to spontaneously combust. Go slowly, Madge. [Scoop]

Oh. Shit. Thus sending the gays into the biggest tizzy since.. uh.. well since Madonna kissed Britney we'd imagine.

SOURCE >>
Gossip Roundup: Madonna! the Musical [Scoop via Gawker]

B-Lo Living: Race seen as factor in mayoral vote... in other news, sky is blue.

2005-10-24T12:43:00.000-04:00

Glad this election is about the "issues".

SOURCE >>
Race, Giambra called mayoral vote factors [Buffalo News]

Wax David Hasselhoff's chest from the privacy of your own home...

2005-10-24T10:48:00.000-04:00

If you ever hope to be sexually aroused again (by anyone), DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK!

Wax On, Wax Hoff

Media Deathmatch: Maureen Dowd vs. Judy Miller

2005-10-24T10:08:00.000-04:00

Judy Miller (columnist, New York Times) made headlines as the center of the CIA leak investigation that is now in the process of destroying the Bush administration (she spent 85 days in jail in order to protect her White House source, citing she was protecting the first ammendment). Recently, Miller's source ("Scooter" Libby, Chief of Staff to the Vice President) "released" her from her promise to keep his identity a secret. However, her role as self-proclaimed "martyr" has come under fire as it becomes more and more apparent that the White House had her in their back pocket, and used her to help justify the "Weapons of Mass Destruction" justification of the Iraq war.
****

Maureen Dowd, fellow New York Times columnist is through with Judy's shit.

She never knew when to quit. That was her talent and her flaw. Sorely in need of a tight editorial leash, she was kept on no leash at all, and that has hurt this paper and its trust with readers. She more than earned her sobriquet "Miss Run Amok."

And she makes a great point.. Judy claims her sources were wrong about the WMD's...

Judy admitted in the story that she "got it totally wrong" about WMD "If your sources are wrong," she said, "you are wrong." But investigative reporting is not stenography.

SHA-ZAM! Even Judy's co-workers are turning against her. Maybe this bitch will finally get whats coming to her.

And, we've gotta confess... Maureen kinda lights our fire. Yanno, if we were into that sort of thing.

SOURCE >>
Woman of Mass Destruction [NYT via Truthout.org]

B-Lo Living: Guards escort O.J. Simpson from stands at Bills game

2005-10-21T15:21:00.000-04:00

"The Juice" is lurking around Buffalo again. The ex-football star (and ex-accused murder) O.J. Simpson has been spotted at two Buffalo Bills games recently: last Sunday's game against the Jets, and the previous Sunday's game against Miami.

Normally we wouldn't give a shit where OJ happens to be at any given time (as none of us know Kato Kalen), but but it seems there was a bit of an issue at last Sunday's game. Reports indicate that Simpson was a guest of someone in a luxury box, yet somehow ended up in the stands, in the corner of the tunnel-side endzone. He was later escorted from those very stands by stadium security guards. While clearly something must have occured to spark this action, officials say he was simply escorted out "for his own protection".

Right. Because there are plenty of people who would think it wise to fuck with O.J. Simpson. He clearly is in dire need of "protection".

SOURCE >>
O.J. seen at 2 recent Bills games [Buffalo News]

Bill Clinton, Vice President??

2005-10-21T13:32:00.000-04:00

Norm Ornstein at The Huffington Post has come up with an amusing (if not slightly terrifying) contingency plan in the event the Bush administration actually collapses.

1. Vice President Cheney resigns-- and President Bush replaces him not with Condoleeza Rice, as the rumors in Washington speculate, but with his father, George H.W. Bush.
2. President Bush resigns, allowing his father to move up to the presidency.
3. Bush 41/44 chooses his best buddy and surrogate son Bill Clinton (42, that is) to be Vice President. Talk about a fusion White House. Talk about bringing us together. Talk about compassionate triangulation.

Sadly, stranger things have happened...

SOURCE >>
The Way Out [HuffPo]

B-Lo Living: Mayoral Debate Drinking Game!

2005-10-21T11:34:00.000-04:00

As we're relatively certain we never would have made it through last night's Buffalo Mayoral Debate 2005! without some form of inebriation, we crafted a simple yet effective drinking game:

Drink every time one of the candidates uses the phrase "comprehensive plan" (chug if they use it more than once in a sentance).

As such, we may still be drunk... on Tuesday.

Overall, the debate was every bit the half-hearted catfight we all expected it to be, with Byron Brown (D) and Kevin Helfer (R) unimaginatively attacking each other's political records, and Judith S. Einach (Green Party) and Charles J. Flynn (I) trying desperately not to look like hood ornaments.

We won't even attempt to recap the infighting... instead, we'll leave you with this in summary: they all have a "comprehensive plan". Some have several "comprehensive plans". Some of their "comprehensive plans" include creating more "comprehensive plans". And each of their "comprehensive plans" is much better than all the other three's "comprehensive plans" combined.

Now if you'll excuse us, we need to locate our bottle of Excedrin.

SOURCE >>
Brown-Helfer duel enlivens debate [Buffalo News]

Tom DeLay's mugshot: Say Cheese!

2005-10-21T09:25:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay turned himself in to the Harris County Sheriff's office in Texas following an arrest warrant issed on Wednesday. DeLay was released after posting a $10,000 bond, and is scheduled to make his first court appearance today in Austin. He is charged with conspiracy and money laundering.

This is his mugshot. Doesn't that look like the face of an angel?

Hey, uh, ya know whats wierd? If you move your head back and forth, it kinda looks like his eyes follow you...

SOURCE >>
Smiling DeLay turns himself in for booking [CNN]

Martha Stewart to "toss salad" after "dressing down"... hmm

2005-10-20T16:50:00.000-04:00

Ok, so its really no secret that we're a bit obsessed with Martha here at FuzeLine... well, more like obsessed with the concept of Martha (as we find it painful to watch either of her shows). As a result, we truly do see the beauty of the MSNBC ad for her version of "The Apprentice". 'Its a good thing.'

SOURCE >>
It Sort of Puts Janet Jackson’s Nip Slip in Perspective [Gawker]

B-Lo Living: Power Project audit could mean more booty for Buffalo

2005-10-20T16:03:00.000-04:00

Congressman Brian Higgins continues to kick ass in his attempts to force the New York Power Authority to give Buffalo a bigger cut of its profits (as the Power Project greatly affects the "host" communities around it by its very operation). To sum up the argument, Higgins believes Buffalo & Erie County's settlement should be increased to $10 million (plus interest) annually as the Authority renegotiates its renewal contract with the State of New York. The Power Authority maintains that any such increase settlement size would necessitate electric rate increases.

Higgins has believed this claim to be bullshit from the get-go, and is fighting for the settlement increase as a means to help subsidize the redevelopment of the Buffalo waterfront, and other civic improvements.

As an answer to Higgins' calls for an investigation into the truthfullness of the Authority's claims concerning its financial position, State Comptroller Alan Hevesi (you may remember him from his infamous audit of Erie County) has agreed to audit the Power Project.

A small victory, sure.. but we'll take what we can get.

SOURCE >>
Hevesi to audit Niagara Power Project [Buffalo Business First]

Jeanine Pirro's latest diarrhea of the mouth...

2005-10-20T15:35:00.000-04:00

Jeanine F. Pirro (R, Westchester) is trying her hardest to win Hillary Clinton's senate seat in the upcoming midterm elections. Sadly, her "hardest" has thus far resulted in a campaign so frought with missteps, its almost become a national joke.

Her latest blunder:

During a speech to Chemung County Republicans on Tuesday night in Big Flats, Pirro continued her criticism of the Democratic-controlled Assembly for its refusal to adopt legislation that would civilly confine violent sex offenders after their prison sentences end.
"That's a difference between Democrats and Republicans -we don't want them next door molesting children and murdering women," said the Westchester County prosecutor..

Yes. Thats it. Where have we been all these years to never have made that connection before. Thank you Jeanine... now if you'll excuse us, we need to go find some rapists to hug.

Naturally, Hillary's campain managers promptly shit themselves upon hearing her comments, and popped open yet another bottle of champaign. Said Clinton advisor Howard Wolfson...

"Ms. Pirro's comment is an affront to common decency and an outrageous insult to
the 51/2 million law-abiding Democrats in our state.."

So who came out of this one smelling like roses, and who continues to appear like a crazy prosecutorial extremist? If only Jeanine's handlers could just get her to never speak (no. really... never), she may actually have a fighting chance.

SOURCE >>
Pirro comment on crime decried by Clinton camp [Buffalo News]

Even Michael Jackson gets nabbed for jury duty..

2005-10-20T10:43:00.000-04:00

This can get filed in "Things That Will Never Actually Happen", but hey, a nation can dream...

CNN reports Michael "not-a-child-molester" Jackson has been called for jury duty.

Does this seem like a Fox sitcom pilot in the making to anyone else?

SOURCE >>
Michael Jackson summoned for jury duty [CNN]

American hipocracy hidering Iraqi democracy

2005-10-20T10:01:00.000-04:00

In what should be final proof that we've stepped off the cliff, an Iraqi delegation tasked with studying our government to learn about our democracy has decided to leave the country. Why you ask? THEY WERE "BEWILDERED" BY THE ACTIONS OF THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION AND FELT IT NECESSARY TO LIMIT THEIR EXPOSURE TO THE U.S SYSTEM SO AS TO PROTECT THEIR FRAGILE DEMOCRACY.

A particularly critical point of contention is religion in government: the US has insisted that the new Iraqi government must separate "mosque and state". Strange, we come off as a bit hipocritical...

"Now let me get this straight," Judge Mithaqi said. "You are lecturing us
about keeping religion out of politics, and then your own president and
conservative legal scholars go and tell your public to endorse Miers as a
Supreme Court justice because she is an evangelical Christian.

Oh, and our bullshit continues right on through "right-to-torture"...

A fellow delegation member, Abdul Wahab al-Unfi, a Shiite lawyer who walks
with a limp today as a result of torture in a Saddam prison, said he did not
want to spend another day in Washington after listening to the Bush team defend
its right to use torture in Iraq and Afghanistan.

We're trying to tell people who suffered under Saddam's torture, which was one of the justifications for the war incidentally, that its ok if we torture, just no one else. And the final disdain comes from the editor of one of Iraq's new newspapers. He..

wanted to go home after watching a televised videoconference last Thursday
between soldiers in Iraq and President Bush. The soldiers, 10 Americans and an
Iraqi, were coached by a Pentagon aide on how to respond to Mr. Bush. "I had
nightmares watching this," Sahafi said. "It was right from the Saddam playbook.

RIGHT FROM THE SADDAM PLAYBOOK.

God help us. Who the hell do we think we are?

SOURCE >>
Leading by (Bad) Example [NYT]

Headline Roundup: Republican Asshole Edition

2005-10-19T20:48:00.000-04:00

Rove Replacements Now Being Discussed At White House… [NYT]

Arrest Warrant Issued For DeLay...Bond Set For $10K.... [AP]

Wash Post: Cheney's Office Focus Of Leak Case... [WaPo]

Ah, karma is such a bitch... Hehe.

SOURCE >>
The Huffington Post

B-Lo Living: Skyway Celebrates 50 Years of Uglyness

2005-10-19T16:16:00.000-04:00

Fifty years ago today, the Buffalo Skyway opened to traffic, hailed by the state's public works chief as "so magnificent as to be unforgettable."

Yup.. That it is..

SOURCE >>
Skyway celebrates 50th year [Buffalo News]

Survery Says!: Harriet Hates Abortion... right?

2005-10-19T14:28:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time, Supreme Court Justice nominee Harriet Miers filled out a survery.

The setting: 1989. A good year for Harriet (heavy blue eyeshadow was at the peak of its popularity). She decided to run for Dallas city council (following in the footsteps of the great Bobby Ewing, I believe), and as a result filled out a survey for Texans United for Life, a group staunchly against abortion. The survey asked:

"If Congress passes a Human Life Amendment to the Constitution that would prohibit abortion except when it was necessary to prohibit the death of the mother, would you actively support its ratification by the Texas Legislature?"

Harriet said yes. Additionally...

She told the group she would support a state ban on abortion, oppose public financing for abortions, participate in "pro-life" events and use her "influence as an elected official" to "promote the pro-life cause."

So, this may be the clearest indication we've gotten of Harriet's views on abortion to date. However, we ask ourselves, isn't it possible that her views have changed since 1989? Just remember... her eyeshadow hasn't.

SOURCE >>
Nominee Backed Ban on Abortion in 1989 Campaign [NYT]